Things just seem to be going downhill

I don't like it one bit. I know part of my moodiness and just feeling blah about everything is due to the Femara, but there has been too much crap going on to not at least blame life for some of the blahness.

We are still waiting for our house to get fixed. Waiting on insurance to approve the extra money its going to cost to fix everything, which of course they don't want to. So you know what they do? They toss us from adjuster to adjuster. Its some kind of game because you've got to be joking if 3 different adjusters all got new jobs or had something come up that they couldn't work on our claim anymore. Jerk faces!! Give us our damn money so I can have ceilings, damn it!

This week has been Hellacious at work. Its been so busy I feel like I'm running around like a mad woman. So that's been stressful. At least if it slowed down enough to get caught up, and catch your breath, but I seriously feel like I'm suffocating at work. Completely drowning. I hate that feeling.

Then I get home tonight from work wanting to kick my feet up, watch my Netflix movie that came in and try to de-stress and what do I walk into? A house that is 88 degrees b/c our A/C has died. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Ok, so I turn on all the fans we have (which isn't many) and decide I can't stress about this since there's no one we can call until at least tomorrow. So I put in my movie and the damn thing won't play. FML!

Screw it, I'm done. This week needs to hurry up and get over with so I can have a 3 day weekend, work 2 days and then go on my mini-vacation.

Butterfly my ass!

Ahh, the thyroid, the "butterfly" shaped organ that helps your body control energy consumption and produce a myriad of hormones to do various things for your body. Well, my thyroid is screwed up, like way up. Its up and then down, I'm on meds, then I'm not, then I am, then they have to double my dose. I don't understand it. We've been trying to get this thing under control for over a year now. I am pretty certain this organ is the reason why I haven't been able to get (or stay) pregnant for the last 2 1/2 years.

It sucks. And not to mention, it makes me feel like crap. Now granted, I've not felt awful recently, but I've had some serious hot flashes, and have been experiencing more fatigue / tiredness lately which up until this morning I chalked up to "maybe" being pregnant. Well, we all know that didn't work. Yes, my beta came back at a 5, but my RE's office doesn't consider anything less than 10 a pregnancy. Looks like they were right as my temp fell hard this morning.

So yes, butterflies...butterflies are beautiful creatures that flutter into our lives and bring us a smile. My butterfly shaped thyroid is giving me anything but smiles. I'd relate my thyroid more to a little demon than a sweet butterfly. Blah!

Needless to say I'm bummed about not being pregnant, but this thyroid issue is really making me batty. I just want it to work right, damn it!

Just breathe

I will test on Friday...as in less than a week away!! I've got a lot of emotions running around including excitement, fear, calmness, and a bit of anxiousness for good measure. It'll be ok, I keep telling myself...but then I start to think and...well...it gets scary!

I'm afraid that I'll get a BFP, only to miscarry again (its been a year and a half since my last miscarriage and we have yet to be pregnant again), I'm afraid it'll be a stark white BFN...I'm just scared either way.

I am hopeful, don't get me wrong, but I also don't want to get so excited that I get burned. I'm glad that in 6 days I can test and get this over with one way or the other. If its a BFP, then I will be overjoyed (maybe a little cautious, but overjoyed nonetheless), if its a BFN then I will have to shed a few tears and pick myself up and go back fighting-- this time with Femara and IUI.

It would just be really nice to see those 2 lines...I'm kinda running out of year here and I can't bring myself to say "2012 is going to be the year" since I've already said that about 2009, 2010, and 2011. ::le sigh::

Finally an IUI!!!

We decided to do another natural cycle since June's cycle was spot on PERFECT! As CD14, then 15 then 16 passed with + OPKs but not much in the way of follie size, I started to get discouraged. On the 3rd monitoring appointment my Estradiol finally started to rise and on the 4th appt I had a 19mm follie (Hallelujah) and Estradiol of 168! Woot woot!!

Since everything was looking good and September starting to look like we may have to skip treatment due to both DH and I being OOT, we decided yesterday to go for the IUI. My lovely CRNP here at the satellite office thought it would be worth a shot, so we got scheduled for first thing this morning.

You know DH was for this when Saturday is his sleeping in day...and we had to wake up at 5:30am to get ready and drive the 1 hour drive to make it by 7:30. Everything went well, post wash count = 7mil with 75% motility, Yay Fertility Blend!

I'm really over-the-moon excited and I should really try to calm myself as this could prove disastrous if there aren't 2 pink lines in 2 weeks. But I'm enjoying the joy and hope in it all right now and I don't want to be calm and level headed...so I might have to pay for it later...but I just want to be giddy with happiness right now. So sue me. Its been a rough 2 1/2 years and I'm in need of some TTC hope!

I find today being pretty lucky too since one of my best e-buddies turned IRL buddy's parents had their 50th wedding anniversary today and other family friends of ours celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary, so today is an awesome day and I hope to add that today was the day we conceived our child!