All day today I've been fighting back tears. I'd hear a baby cry in the store and tear up, I'd hear a child say something cute and tear up, I'd start to tear up for absolutely nothing at all...I really don't know what's wrong with me. I have hardly eaten anything in the past week, and I've just been so down in the dumps I'm afraid I'm getting depressed (or I'm already there).
We went to the football game Saturday (the first chance we've gotten to go to a home game), and while I had a good time, I really wasn't into it like I normally am. And after the game when we'll go hang out with friends, I just wanted to go home. I'm scared. I've been through a bout of depression over a year ago after my Clomid cycle, and I really don't want to feel stuck like that again. I miss my old self. I used to be happy and outgoing and laugh at things, and now I find myself wanting to be by myself, and sad and quite and crabby.
Part of me wants to just stop this whole TTC thing b/c I think it is just too much to deal with, but the other part of me knows that I really want a baby and I'm afraid I won't be able to be happy not trying. I hope this is just a phase, and I'm just bummed b/c I'm having to sit out this cycle...but I really am an emotional wreck right now. I don't know what to do to make myself happy again. I just feel lost and hopeless and empty.
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